We Wish You an Ecua-Christmas

TLI

I am very fortunate to have a host family here in Ecuador that looks out for me and includes me in their family plans. The only problem is that they have a bad habit of not telling me what their plans are until we are just about to do them. For instance, when my dad was leaving Ecuador, my host family graciously offered to give him a ride to the airport in Quito. I went along, but after we dropped him off we drove around Quito for a while until we arrived at the gate of a recreation center for soldiers and their families (my host brother is a UN Peacekeeper). This is the conversation I had with my host mother in the car outside.

- Where are we going?
- This is a recreation center for the military. Did you bring a bathing suit?
- (*sarcastically pat pockets mock-searching for the bathing suit I obviously didn't bring because I thought we were just driving my dad to the airport and I didn't bring anything, then put on a face acting like I am surprised that I didn't find it*) No.
- That's fine, you can buy a bathing suit inside.

I quickly checked my tone because I figured that even though they didn't tell me to bring trunks, I could still buy a pair inside the place and go swimming anyway. Problem solved. Once inside, I walked up to the counter with my host mother and she asked the lady for a bathing suit for me. What the woman placed on the counter was a thin, 3'' by 3'' plastic package that even before it was opened loudly proclaimed "You will not wear me."

The woman working at the counter took the piece of fabric out of the package and unfolded it. The bathing suit she presented to me was so revealing that I wouldn't even feel comfortable wearing it as underwear, let alone in a pool full of witnesses. Needless to say I didn't go swimming that day. Instead, I took a three hour nap in the lobby until my host family decided to leave.

Staying faithful to their "don't tell Krishna, it'll be funny" policy, my host family didn't tell me anything about what their plans were for Christmas. My family explained to me that in Ecuador, people traditionally eat a turkey dinner for Christmas. I saw the turkey in my kitchen throughout the day on Christmas Eve and got really excited about eating a big dinner that night. At around 6:00 p.m., everyone sat down at the dinner table and we had tamales for what I assumed was an appetizer. I only ate one small tamale and my host mother asked me if I wanted another. "No thanks," I replied coolly "I'm saving space for the turkey."

Everyone ate their tamales, but then dispersed after they were done. I was confused about why we weren't being served turkey so I asked my host father if Christmas dinner happens on Christmas Eve or Christmas day. He assured me that we would be eating turkey that night for dinner, so I resigned to waiting patiently in my room until I was called out for dinner.

I fell asleep in my room waiting, and was woken up at 12:00 a.m. to come eat. What my family had failed to tell me in this instance was that the Christmas meal is traditionally eaten at midnight on Christmas Eve. I evened things out when I ate about a dozen of the leftover tamales over the next two days.


Christmas on the Farm

The next day I was Skyping with a friend of mine in the living room when my host brother poked his head in the room and declared simply "C'mon Kris, we're going", foolishly assuming that I was told anything about what we were doing that day. It turned out that the family was going to spend Christmas on their farm, so I jumped in the car with nothing but the clothes I was wearing and headed out with them.

We got to the farm at about 2:30 p.m. and had a BBQ for dinner. I was ready to go after eating and being on the farm for a few hours, but my host brother started going around collecting money from everyone to buy beer. He was collecting $5 from everyone, which made me nervous because in Ecuador $5 buys a good amount of booze and he was collecting from a lot of people.

He came back with two crates of beer and the family started drinking and playing cards, quite competitively if I might add. It started getting late and it became clear to me at about 10:00 p.m. that no one had any intention of going back to Ambato that night. I begrudgingly accepted my fate and started trying to figure out where I would sleep since there were so many people there, when at the eleventh hour one of my host brothers stopped by the farm and offered to give me a ride home.

From now on, whenever my host family offers to take me anywhere I am packing a pair of trunks, a toothbrush, and an air mattress.


Kids Just Don't Understand

Since Christmas eve, my extended host family has been staying at my house. That means that there are six children running around all the time, and they are unbearably annoying. They consistently cry any time anything happens to them, no matter how trivial. It's like they are in a constant state of crying and they occasionally take a break when they get tired. I swear that the biggest crybaby of them all cried at least 10 times on Christmas Eve. This is a bad enough offense by itself, but what really gets me is that the kids have no dedication to their sobfests.

When these kids cry, they turn on the waterworks and scream at the top of their lungs, but when they either get attention or realize that they are not going to get it they stop on a dime. They then continue doing whatever it is they were doing before they started crying as if nothing happened.

When I was a kid, I cried my fair share but I had much more respect for the art of hissyfit. First of all, when I cried it was almost always for a big deal. I remember one time I had to go with my mother to drop off the babysitter, and she assured me that I would be back home in time to see Power Rangers. When we got home and I realized that I had missed it, I lost it (because she promised!) and demanded that my mother turn back time so I could watch it. Missing Power Rangers might not sound like a big deal to you now, but trust me that in context of the incident it was devastating.

Second, I committed to a temper-tantrum and continued to appear miserable and upset for hours afterward, whether I got attention or not. Locking yourself in your room, sulking in the corner, and packing a bag to run away from home are the kinds of things that contribute to the proper delivery of an episode and must be performed if anyone is to take your whining seriously. It kills me when these Ecuadorian kids are crying hysterically and thirty seconds later you would have never guessed they were unhappy earlier that minute.

Lastly, Ecuadorian kids don't have even an ounce of shame for their ridiculous behavior. One of the kids started crying uncontrollably when someone put ketchup on his rice (which, unfortunately, is a normal practice in Ecuador). They quickly gave him a new bowl of rice and he stopped crying, but it was clear that he didn't feel silly about crying over ketchuped rice after the issue was resolved. When I was a kid I cried over plenty of silly things, but afterward I always realized how silly it was and felt ashamed about it.

Bottom line: I still hate kids.

Crabs

Tonight my family ate crabs for dinner. I'm going to go ahead and say that eating crabs is stupid. They freak me out because they look the same dead as they do alive and they have all kinds of hairs and hard to identify meat parts. They are also a lot of work to eat and they don't really taste like anything. Crab eating is even worse in Ecuador because they apparently haven't adopted the use of shell-breaking tools yet, and everyone at the table was using their teeth to crack the crabs open. My molars were hurting just listening to it; I'm going to have to brush my teeth with Sensodyne twice tonight.

Host parents, brothers, a couple of wives, and one baby.

Grammar Talk: Object Pronouns

In English, the existence of formal grammar rules put forth by any number of style guides or linguists rarely enforces how language is used (written or spoken). Even the Spanish language, which has an official governing body in the Real Academia Española (RAE), exhibits a grammar that is open to interpretation on many points. This inability for even academics to come to agreement on grammar points, along with the number of geographically dispersed places where Spanish is spoken, makes some grammar topics extremely difficult for foreigners to grasp due to the number of distinct variations accepted.

I have learned Spanish in formal classroom settings in the U.S., by living in Mexico, and now while working in Ecuador, and I can say from experience that no one set of rules is sufficient for understanding the language as it is used in different parts of the world. These differences are not only limited to regional vocabularies, but include fundamental language devices like pronoun usage and gender forms that have not-so-obvious implications beyond simple word choice.

With the new feature on my blog "Grammar Talk", I hope to elucidate some of the finer points of the Spanish language that I have gleaned from living abroad and reading up on my formal Spanish grammar. Along with the Internet and the forums at WordReference.com, the greatest tool for learning about Spanish grammar that I have ever encountered is "A New Reference Grammar of Modern Spanish" by John Butt and Carmen Benjamin (B&B). The book provides a thorough treatment of every grammar point I have ever consulted it for thus far, and it is commendable for its coverage of the Spanish used throughout the world, not only in one particular place (Latin American Spanish or Peninsular Spanish, for instance). It is this broad consideration of the various forms of Spanish that has made B&B particularly useful for me when, for instance, the Mexican Spanish I learned in college fails to help me understand a sentence from an Argentinian text.

My goal in studying Spanish is to speak it in a way that is generally understood and accepted as correct by the most number of native Spanish speakers possible. I am cautious of Spanish that is specific to a small region because what is acceptable as educated Spanish in one country might sound foolish in another country. Because of this, I am not content to simply mimic the Spanish of the people around me, but to develop a way of speaking that will serve me just as well when I leave Ecuador.

Some aspects of languages are not easily learned in books and are best understood after spending time abroad. As a student of Spanish, I find that the best advice always comes from people who have lived immersed in the Spanish language long enough to appreciate a grammar point and then are able to verbalize their understanding in English. I hope that these posts will provide a similar kind of help.

In short, Grammar Talk is written for people interested in Spanish grammar, and will therefore probably only be enjoyable for those studying Spanish. I majored in Spanish in college (and took one semester of Linguistics... which counts for something, right?), but I am far from an expert in the grammar of any language. If I make an error or anyone reading disagrees with my conclusions, please leave a comment so I can learn from my mistakes or write a snarky reply burning you for trying to call me out.

Subjective Objects

When I was learning Spanish in school, I was always taught that there are two sets of object pronouns in Spanish: one set for direct objects and one set for indirect objects. Luckily, the first-person and informal second-person singular object pronouns me, nos, and te are the same for both sets. This means that the only object pronouns that should give foreign speakers any trouble are the third-person object pronouns lo/la/los/las and le/les (which, it is worth mentioning, are also used for formal second-person singular/plural and informal second-person plural).

Using object pronouns in spontaneous speech has always been difficult for me because of Spanish's double set of object pronouns that force me to think about the nature of the object (direct/indirect, masculine/feminine, singular/plural) before I decide which pronoun to use. Regardless of how long it takes me to construct a sentence, I like to think that I have a good understanding of how to use the object pronouns correctly. This is, of course, until I hear an utterance like "Le vi anoche (a usted)."

This is a sentence I heard someone say here in Ecuador, which doesn't make any sense if the direct/indirect object distinction dictates which object pronoun is correctly used. The speaker saw someone, so in this case the person who was seen was the direct object of the action and the sentence should read "Lo vi anoche", right?

Well, it turns out that object pronouns have been a constant topic of controversy (even within the RAE) for decades, and there are a number of exceptions to the over-simplified direct/indirect object dichotomy.

Indirect Respect

The above example can best be explained by the tendency of some Spanish speakers to use the indirect object pronouns when referring directly to a person (even when that person is the direct object of an action) as a sign of respect for the person. B&B provides a fascinating example of this phenomenon in usage:

"Argentine informants were convinced that they would say no quería molestarle 'I didn't mean to bother you' when speaking to their boss, but molestarlo when speaking about him."

I support this usage, not because I understand why it comes off as more respectful to use le (although how much could it hurt to try to be more respectful anyway?), but because the direct object pronoun lo can mean a variety of things, the least likely of which is the formal second-person singular usted. For instance, if someone said to me "Lo vi ayer", the first translation I would think of are the third-person singular translations "I saw it yesterday" or "I saw him yesterday." For me, using le in place of lo/la when the object is a person being directly talked to is helpful because in the absence of leísmo (which I'll talk about later), it eliminates the interpretation of lo meaning "him" or "it", and it alerts the listener that he is being referred to, rather than leaving the frustratingly ambiguous lo up for interpretation.

As I am finding out, most of the problems I have with Spanish come from overworked pronouns and their ambiguities...

Leísmo and Laísmo

Outside of using le to show respect for the person you are talking to, there is also a tendency for some Spanish speakers to always use the indirect object pronoun for third-person singular male humans . This phenomenon is known as leísmo. For instance, "Lo vi" is reserved strictly for "I saw it", while "Le vi" is used to express "I saw him." Female humans continue to receive the ambiguous direct object pronoun, and "La vi" is used for "I saw her" as well as "I saw it."

B&B notes that this flavor of leísmo is considered by some to be sexist, since men are "elevated" to indirect object status while women  are referred to using the same pronoun that inanimate objects also take. A more explicitly sexist variation of this object pronoun style is known as laísmo. In this phenomenon, human females are referred to using the object pronoun even if they are indirect objects, for instance "Yo la dije la verdad" (I told her the truth).

B&B discourages the use of laísmo because it is controversial and in decline, but notes that leísmo is used by "the most prestigious styles in Spain, i.e. the variety used in publishing, the media, and by most educated speakers in central and northern Spain."

To me, laísmo is clearly not worth imitating, but I also don't recommend that foreigners learning Spanish adopt leísmo unless they live in Spain because it doesn't really clear up any ambiguities like using le for respect (as a matter of fact, it greatly eliminates the usefulness of using le for respect because with leísmo, "Le vi" can mean "I saw you" or "I saw him"). Of course, it is still useful to have a knowledge of these conventions for understanding the speech and writing of others.

In any case, if you're in the club and you're trying to find the words to describe a girl without being disrespectful, go easy on the leísmo/laísmo and stick with the indirect object pronouns. 

Leísmo in Ecuador

In Ecuador, I have observed an extreme form of leísmo where the indirect object pronouns are used for humans of both genders and inanimate objects that are direct objects. For instance, the other day my host nephew asked for a glass of soda right before we got in the car. His sister handed him a cup and said, "Tómale rapido" (Drink it quickly).

B&B notes that this usage is not endorsed by the RAE unless it is "a rare instance of genuine personification." I agree that leísmo for inanimate objects is unnecessary and should not be imitated by foreign learners (even though I hear it all the time here). 

In another instance, my host sister-in-law wanted her brother to pick up her baby girl, so she commanded him "Cógele." While the leísmo in Ecuador at least appears to be less sexist than other varieties, I still maintain that it is unnecessary for foreign learners to adopt and should only be noted so that native speakers can be understood.

Conclusion

Object pronouns in Spanish cannot be easily explained by any one rule, but the direct/indirect object distinction is a good place to start. It is also impossible to say that one style of usage is absolutely correct because there are so many different accepted usages depending on what country, and even what part of that country, you are in. What I have written here are only a few of the points that I found interesting in the thirteen(!) pages of B&B that deal with the correct usage of object pronouns. I haven't even mentioned loísmo, which substitutes direct object pronouns for indirect object pronouns, or my own original grammar style that I am proposing to the Academy, noísmo, which rejects object pronouns and their confusing ambiguous bullshit altogether.

If object pronouns still don't make sense and are getting you down, remember this: just like it's always 5 o'clock somewhere, regardless of what object pronoun you end up using in a sentence, it is almost certainly considered standard usage in some part of the hispanophone world.

Galápagos Shmalápagos

Mitad del Swamy

While my dad was in Ecuador visiting me, we took a trip to the tourist spot la Mitad del Mundo. This is the place where they claim the equator passes through the country, so people like to do silly things on the line and take pictures.

Not that silly.

One of the attractions at the equator is a simple scale because since the Earth bulges at the equator, people weigh less when they are there. My dad jumped on the scale and the machine told him he weighed four pounds heavier than he did when he left for Ecuador. 

I guess the Earth isn't the only thing that bulges at its equator (that's a hint, Dad).
 
The Plan

Last week I departed on a four day adventure in the Galápagos Islands with my father. We flew from Quito to Guayaquil, then from Guayaquil to the island of San Cristobal. My father made the reservations for an all inclusive trip that included the hotel rooms, meals, and most importantly, English-speaking tour guides. When we got off the plane we were met by our tour guide who told us, in Spanish, where to put our bags down.

Since my father doesn't speak Spanish, he just stared blankly at the guide waiting for him to start speaking English. The tour guide's face became filled with anxiety as he struggled for the words in English, "You... don't espeak Spanish", to which my father replied in the negative. The look on the tour guide's face immediately informed me that I would be serving as a translator for the rest of the trip.

I can understand Spanish pretty well at this point so I didn't think it would be a big deal to translate what the guide was saying for my dad, but people who live in the Galápagos Islands speak with a coast Ecuadorian accent. This means that they speak very quickly and like to drop consonants. For instance, in the Sierra (where I live), the phrase "más o menos" would be pronounced exactly as it is spelled, with all the letters being vocalized. On the coast, they drop some consonant sounds and it comes out more like "maomeo." I had to hear the tour guide say "tolaila"about five times before I realized that he was saying "todas las islas." I personally dislike the coast accent and don't like how it sounds, but I guess I could just be bitter that I don't understand every third word they are saying.

Do not Touch!

Nearly all of the land (97% I think) of the Galápagos Islands form part of a national park, so as soon as you step off of the plane you need to pay a park entrance fee. For foreigners, the fee is a whopping $100. For nationals, it only costs $6.

I am obviously not an Ecuadorian citizen, but I figured since I work in the country I might as well try to get by paying the park fee for nationals. I walked up to the counter and showed the officers my visa to work in the country.

- I'm not Ecuadorian, but I live in Ambato and I have a visa to work here. Can I get in as a national?
- (*looks at me, inspects visa, looks back at me*) This kind of visa is only given to diplomats or people who work for the government. Are you a diplomat?
- Uh... yeah, sure.
- Do you work for the Ecuadorian government?
- ... Kind of.
- (*calls another official over, followed by inaudible mumbling and a short pause*) Alright then, $6 please.

Boom.

The first stop on our tour of San Cristobal was to a beach. Like I said before, I didn't understand our guide that well, but I was pretty sure he told us that there would be "water wolves", and he warned us that if we got too close they could bite us. I took a class about evolution in college and read a lot about the animals in the Galápagos, but I never heard about water wolves so I was both excited to see what they were and terrified that I would be hunted down by a pack of amphibian lupines.

It turned out that in Spanish, the word for sea lion translates to sea wolf, so what he was really talking about were harmless seal-like creatures, not vicious marine/land pack animals. The sea lions summed up pretty well what most of the animal watching on the Galápagos was like.

First of all, they don't do anything. The only things they did in my presence was lay out on the beach making honking noises and smell like shit. One interesting aspect about the species on the Galápagos Islands is that since it is very difficult for animals to make it to the isolated archipelago, the few that do make it there usually don't encounter many natural predators that they need to be cautious of. This means that the animals live very comfortable lives of not doing a lot of work and posting up on the beach.

Second, the animals on the islands are not afraid of humans at all. Our guide warned us about not getting too close to the sea lions because they might attack us, but everyone in our tour group was walking right up to them and the sea lions didn't even flinch. At night when there is less pedestrian traffic on the boardwalk, the sea lions come onto the sidewalk and into the streets and just hang out. A few times I walked right past sea lions hidden in shadows and under bushes and didn't even notice it until they moved or honked at me.

Third, you are not allowed to touch a lot of things on the Galápagos because people want to conserve the nature there as much as possible, and human interference can screw up the natural order of things. For instance, we were told not to touch any of the baby sea lions because if our scent gets on them, the mothers can reject them and they will die from not being cared for.

You will never know how hard it was for me to not try to grab this baby and put him in my bag. It would have been just like having a Pokémon...

The next type of impressive animal we saw were the Galápagos tortoises. The tortoises are awesome because they weigh up to 400kg and can live to be over 150 years old. Like the sea lions they don't really do much, but at least they have an excuse since they are 100+ year old turtles.

Me trying to fit in with a little guy.

The islands used to be crawling with these tortoises before humans came. The thing that did so much damage to the species wasn't direct human action, but introduced species. Feral cats, rats, and fire ants were all introduced to the islands by humans, and they all like to eat the eggs of baby tortoises. Goats also contributed to the drastic decline in the tortoise population because they feed on the same plants as the tortoises do and provide too strong a competition for them.

An interesting thing I learned about the Galápagos is that the only species that were able to get to the islands naturally were the ones that could survive without water for long enough to make it from the mainland to the archipelago. Birds and bugs can obviously fly, but only the plants with seeds that could survive the long journey without water were able to grow when they finally reached land. Amphibians are not present on the island because they need lots of water to survive, and all the reptiles on the islands are endemic, which is to say that they are not found anywhere else on Earth (neat-o!).

George

Lonesome George is a turtle they found on one of the islands who is currently the only known survivor of his species. He was moved from his native home island to the most populated island in the Galápagos, Santa Cruz, so he could be cared for and studied to possibly find a way to keep his species alive.

The different tortoise species I saw had slightly different shells, but they pretty much all looked the same, so I wondered why they couldn't just breed George with a slightly different species. The guide told me that hybrids might be able to be produced that way, but that the hybrids, in turn, would be sterile and not be able to produce offspring of their own.

Fittingly, considering his history, Lonesome George was the most miserable looking creature I have ever witnessed.

Sympathizing with the 150 year old virgin.

Besides the giant tortoises, we saw a ton of other plants and animals that are only found in the Galápagos. It is really interesting that a lot of the biology on the islands is found nowhere else, but besides that fact they are otherwise largely unextraordinary. I could imagine seeing most of the animals and plants I saw on the Galápagos in the United States because most of them look like regular plants and animals, but in reality they are almost all very unique species that have been isolated for so long that they can no longer breed with similar species from where they originated before migrating to the islands.

I also found out that there are species endemic to particular islands in the archipelago. Because I only visited two islands while I was there, I missed out on seeing a few cool animals like the Galápagos penguin and the blue-footed booby. Although, if seeing a baby sea lion brought back my tortured childhood fantasy of Pokémon being real, maybe it was a good thing for my adult psychological development that I didn't see these guys in person.

If I was only in charge of the Galápagos Islands, I could make it my own, real life Safari Zone...


You Know What I Mean

Something that drives me nuts in Ecuador is when I say something correctly in Spanish, but people act like they have no idea what I am talking about. I say enough stupid, incomprehensible things in Spanish that I like to get responses that signal comprehension when I actually say something correctly.

Yesterday I went to the bank to pick up my ATM card. I walked up to the woman at the desk and told her that I had created an account with the bank already and was there to pick up my "card." She then replied with "what card?"

What card? Seriously? What card could I possibly be talking about in a bank except an ATM card.

"Yeah, I'm actually looking for a 'Happy Birthday Grandpa' card, where do you keep those."
"This one! (*pulls Ace of Clubs out of sleeve*) Was this your card?"
"I left my hologram Pikachu around here somewhere, would you mind helping me look for it?"


I finally explained that I wanted the card that would allow me to withdraw money from my account, and twenty minutes later she came out with it. One good thing to come from this experience was that while I was waiting for her to get my card, I had the best Snake game of my life. I defy anyone reading this who has Snake Xenzia on his phone to try and beat my score of 6,256. It was a beast snake.

Vaca

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the best planner in the world, so I still have little clue as to how I will be spending the rest of my vacation. I have off until Jan. 10th, so I am considering meeting friends in Peru or Chile, or maybe just bouncing around Ecuador to see some things I haven't yet.

The only thing I am certain that I will do during my vacation is make a copy of a grammar book to use for my class. The school I teach at doesn't have a syllabus or books for its students, and I found out last semester that makes it very difficult to be a teacher or student. I am determined to get a bunch of books, break every copyright law ever written, and take the best from all of them to make the greatest English grammar book ever created by a WorldTeach volunteer in Ecuador.

Birthday for Days

Baños Canceled

Last Saturday my friend who lives in the Galapagos came to Ambato to visit. We were going to go to a nearby town called Baños where they have all kinds of extreme sports like rafting and cave diving for tourists. Baños is located near the base of the volcano Tungurahua, so when there is activity they don't let people enter.

We were on the bus only ten minutes away from the city when the volcano started erupting and we had to turn around. There was no lava, but it was rumbling and shooting smoke high above the mouth. I guess of all the reasons to have to cancel a trip to Baños, an erupting volcano is one of the best because we at least got a show from up close. Check out the picture my friend Chris took before the bus turned around.

The End of My First Cycle

Last Thursday was the last day of class of my first cycle/semester teaching in Ecuador. It doesn't seem like I have been here for too long, but I am already done with one-third of my work here and I have lived four out of eleven months here in Ecuador already. Now I'm on vacation until January 10th when school starts up again. Being a teacher has proven itself to be hard work, but I really can't complain about the vacation time.

The last week of classes was tough because Ecuadorians absolutely love to whine and complain about everything. When I broke the news that there was going to be a final during the last week of class I thought I was going to be chased out of class by an angry mob of students.

At first I tried to reason with my class when they whined about things, but I have come to the conclusion that since whining isn't driven by reason, it cannot be resolved by reason either. My solution now is just to whine back with more drastic fluctuations in the pitch of my voice and more violent body convulsions than my students.


At the advice of my fellow SECAP teacher Caitlin, I had my students do the work for me in making the final test. I broke them into groups, gave each group a theme, and had them write questions. The next day I had my best students review the answers to the questions and resolve any doubts, and the same questions then appeared on the test. Even though I essentially gave them the questions and answers to the final before they took the test, some students still tried to cheat.

In my first class, I maintain a fairly rigorous anti-cheating environment. I make all the students put their bags away, they are only allowed to have one pen on the desk at all times (I instituted this rule after I caught a girl with answers written on the back of an eraser), then I make them all roll up their sleeves to see that they don't have notes written on their arms. The final in my first class passed without incident.

In my second class, the students are much older and I usually feel weird asking them to do things that I ask my first class to do so they usually are less strictly monitored during the tests. Since it was the final, I figured I should give them the same treatment as my first class so I asked them all to roll up their sleeves so I could check their arms. To my surprise, one of my students in her mid-twenties had answers written on her palm. I told her she had to go wash her hands off before she could take the test, but I was still stunned that I had to scold someone ~five years older than me for cheating on a test.

When I was walking by inspecting my students' arms in my second class, I noticed that on one of the tables, written in very light pencil, were some answers to my first class' test. I was furious that my first class had gotten away with cheating because I didn't look at the desks carefully enough, but I remembered which two students were sitting there earlier so the next day as I was handing out final grades I confronted them.

Me: So yesterday I found answers written to the test on the desk. Which of you two was it?
Student 1: (*looks directly at me*) It wasn't me teacher.
Student 2: (*eyes well up with tears, looks at wall behind me*) It wasn't me either teacher.

It wasn't hard to tell which one cheated, but they were two of my best students and both would have passed even with a zero on the final. I let them off with the most intimidating warning I could manage in Spanish, and I hope my class got the idea that I don't tolerate cheating so I never have to rip someone's paper up and fail them on the spot.

What annoyed me even more about this cheating incident than the cheating was that whoever cheated didn't think to erase the answers when they were done with the test. I wanted to tell the class afterward that it is a good idea to get rid of the evidence after you cheat, but I didn't want to inadvertently give them a lesson on how to be better cheaters during a lesson on common sense.

Birthdays

Ecuadorians like to have parties, so both of my classes threw me a party for my birthday. The first one was on Wednesday. I went out with my Intermediate class for parrillada, which is grilled meat. We were supposed to be going out to celebrate the end of the semester and do Secret Santa, but they surprised me with a cake and a present for my birthday.

Some of my Intermediate students.

Ecuadorians have a tradition that the person whose birthday it is takes a bite of the cake. As he leans in, someone shoves his head into the cake and everyone has a good laugh. I was aware of this tradition from my time in Mexico, but I played dumb to entertain my class.

I'm not sure why, but the first time I went in for a bite the student sitting next to me didn't push my head in. I think it was because at that point I still had not graded the finals and he didn't know if he would pass, so he didn't want to hurt his chances any more by shoving the teacher's face into a cake. The class insisted that I take another bite and my face was gently shoved into the cake by my borderline passing student (He would go on to pass "conditionally" because he scored a 69 in the course).

The next day, my Beginner class brought a cake and snacks to class for my birthday.

In this class, I had already graded the tests and my students who passed already knew. When I went in for a bite of the cake they shoved my head in so hard that I had cake in my eye and far enough up my nostrils that I smelled frosting for the next hour.

"Cool tradition guys, now have fun eating snot frosting."

My third and final birthday party was with my host family, family friends, American friends, and my real father who is in Ecuador visiting me at the moment. My tradition every year since I was a kid has been to go to Applebee's. Even the semester I studied abroad in Mexico, me and my friends found an Applebee's and I had my usual chicken finger platter.

This was the only cake that my face was not shoved into.

There are no Applebee's in Ecuador, but I still had a good time, except for one point in the night when my Ecuadorian friend convinced me that it is a tradition to get whipped for every year old you are (like birthday punches with a belt) and I took twenty-two lashes on the ass from my "friends".

Travels with Dad

My dad has been in Ecuador for a week now and I have already shown him around Ambato, Quito, Otavalo, and some other places nearby. Tomorrow we leave for the Galapagos where we will be staying until Friday. I'll be sure to take a ton of pictures and put them on my photos page.

On an unrelated note, when I was with my father in Quito we passed by this guy in the car. He was riding his motorcycle with a young child in front. That's traffic in Ecuador in a nutshell: very unsafe, but probably a lot of fun.

At least they were both wearing helmets?

Disasters, Natural and Otherwise

Tungurahua

There is an active volcano close to Ambato called Tungurahua (not surprisingly, it is the reason why the province that Ambato is located in is named Tungurahua). It has been erupting recently and almost every day that I have looked at it there has been dark smoke coming out from the top.

On Tuesday during our second classes, me and my friend Caitlin (who teaches at the same place I do) noticed that we could see lava coming out of it from my classroom window. We oohed and aahed for a good fifteen minutes while my class remained largely unimpressed, clearly jaded from years living in a country peppered with volcanoes.

We started our classes like normal, but about two-thirds of the way through Caitlin came walking down the stairs with her class. She explained that her students were going to take her someplace closer to the volcano so she could get a better look. My students overheard her and, in their usual enthusiasm to do anything but work, convinced me that our class should go as well.

I figured I might never get another chance to see a volcano erupt again, so I ended class thirty minutes early and jumped in one of my student's cars to drive off to a closer place with a better view of the volcano.

I can't remember the name of the nearby town we drove to, but it was about thirty minutes away from Ambato in the direction of Tungurahua and we got an awesome view. It was very dark and we could barely even see the outline of the volcano. However, lava was shooting into the air and falling down onto the slope of the volcano, which made it visible and clearly defined the shape of the mouth before the lava cooled again.

We got out of the car and we could even hear the volcano roaring. Even though we were still a good distance from the volcano, the roaring was loud and it sounded just like a ten second long thunder clap.

Since we were closer at that point, my students were equally impressed with the volcano as I was. I asked about how often it erupts like that and they said the last time it happened was four years ago. I didn't have a camera on me since I wasn't planning on going to the volcano when I left for my classes that afternoon, but I'm glad I got to be there in person to see a volcano explode since it apparently doesn't happen very often and I had never seen anything interesting happen with a volcano before (I once climbed an inactive volcano in Mexico, but the only thing I remember is spending the night in a wet sleeping bag and hearing my friend brag about how he took a dump off a cliff).

Now that the volcano has been erupting, ash will start falling. Ambato may or may not be affected by the ash depending on which way the wind blows, but someone told me the other day that they are getting ash from the volcano in Guayaquil, which is a city several hours away from Ambato. I also read in the newspaper that on farms near the volcano, the ash has ruined crops.

I have been told that Tungurahua is of little serious threat to Ambato and the safety of its citizens, so I guess a dusting of volcano ash is a small price to pay to get to see eruptions and not have to worry about suffering death by lava.

What Was That?

Two weeks ago I went to the movies with my class to make up a class I missed earlier. We went to go see the only movie playing in English (you know, since we were making up an English class). Unfortunately, the movie was horrendous. It was one of those movies that makes me think about how many people from so many different parties have to agree that the plot of a movie is good for it to get made and make it to the theaters, and then how an unnatural disaster such as the movie I saw could have possibly made it through the gauntlet.

(FYI, the movie was called 100 Feet. I would later find out that part of the reason why it was so awful was because it was a straight to television movie that premiered on Sci-Fi in 2008. Why it was showing in regular movie theaters in Ecuador two years later is beyond me.)

Watching a horror movie that made me cry laughing was not the only disaster of the night. I was in one of my student's cars with Caitlin and we were headed to the movie theater. There are a ton of homeless dogs walking walking around Ambato, and one of them ran in the middle of the street right as we were passing by. We ran over the dog and it scared the hell out of everyone. The car was leaking some kind of oil when we stopped to check the damage, but I'm pretty sure it still made out better than the dog, who I'm confident went to doggy heaven right after he hit the bumper.

I Don't Speak Spanish!

One of my favorite games to play in Ecuador has been to act like I don't speak a word of Spanish when people try to talk to me, and then to listen to what they say about me when they are convinced that I don't understand anything they are saying.

The other day two little kids came into my room in between classes and started trying to talk to me in Spanish. I just kept telling them in English that I am an English teacher and I don't speak Spanish and they got so confused.

They were asking me for candy and became very frustrated that I didn't understand their requests. One kid asked his friend "How come he doesn't speak like us?" and "Why does he speak so ugly?"

I guess I never really thought about it before, but a lot of little kids probably don't realize that there are many different languages that people speak. I suppose these children didn't realize I was speaking another language and that's why they kept on trying to communicate with me even though I made it clear that I didn't understand them.

Kids are so stupid.


Christmas Time in Ecuador

Since they don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in Ecuador, there is no rule about when it is acceptable to start putting up Christmas decorations. The Christmas trees went up in many places last month, but my host family just finished putting decorations in our house.

The main event seems to be the nativity scene in our living room. It looked fine to me at a glance, but today I took a closer look and noted a couple of problems with the historical accuracy of the setup.

Gifts of gold, an algebra book, and teacups.

The first problem I noticed was with the Three Wise Men. I'm not a biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure two of the Wise Men weren't a schoolboy and a family of anthropomorphic bears having a tea party.

My second problem with the nativity was the selection of animals present in the manger. Again, it's been a while since the last time I read the Bible, but I'm confident that there is nothing in the Gospels about elephants, giraffes, zebras, and moose witnessing the birth of baby Jesus. Regardless of its questionable historical accuracy, I like my host family's "African safari" interpretation of the nativity scene better than that lame drummer boy nonsense.



Grammar Talk

Language is interesting because people seem to learn it very differently depending on their age and whether it is their first language or a second language. For instance, I am a native English speaker and I can therefore use the language effortlessly. Just because I can use the language well, however, does not mean that I always understand why English works the way it does.

Sometimes it is frustrating to be in class and not have a good answer for why grammar works a certain way, but I find that when I ask people questions about Spanish grammar they often are equally clueless about why they use language the way they do.

For instance, the other day I asked my host family about the difference between two different Spanish words that both translate as "crunchy" in English. "Easy", my host father said, "X is used to describe crunchy foods and Y is used to describe crunchy objects." I then pointed out that my crunchy peanut butter said Y on the box. "Hmmm, well then I have no idea."

Another time I asked the students in my class about an utterance I overheard the previous day.* I asked them which verb the pronoun in the sentence was a part of. At first they were completely off track and told me the pronoun was a verb. They then quickly agreed that it was a pronoun, but then they were split about which verb it belonged to. After a minute of back and forth one girl wasn't able to explain the grammar, but was able to give another example proving which verb it was a part of.

Moral of the story: learning/teaching a foreign language is a bitch.

El Doctor Surasi

Next week my father is slipping into his jogging suit, strapping on his fanny pack, and coming out to Ecuador to visit me for two weeks. He's been working hard to perfect his Spanish before he gets here (read: listens to "Learn Spanish in 30 Minutes a Day" on his way to work) so I hope I can show him a good time and take him lots of interesting places while he is here.

Word got around that my dad was coming from the U.S. and I have again received numerous requests for North American goods. The best one so far came from my student who, after learning that my dad is a Urologist, asked if he could get a vasectomy from my dad while he is in Ambato. After hearing this, that request for $60 worth of Orbit gum seems quite reasonable in retrospect.


*For anyone who speaks Spanish and is interested in the debate, the utterance in question was, "Se acaba de nublar." My question was whether the pronoun "se" belongs to the verb "acabar" or "nublar". One student finally demonstrated that the pronominal verb must be "nublarse" because people say "Acaba de llover" and no pronoun is needed because in that case "llover" isn't pronominal.