Don't You Dare Touch My Cat!

Bus Entertainment

Very often in Ecuador people will jump on the bus and do something to make money. They all apparently go to the same bus performer school because there are only a few different routines and I see them executed by a new person every day. For example, one of the most common shticks in Ambato is the magic eye drop vendor. The guy will come on the bus and give an inspired speech about all the miraculous health benefits that come from using vitamin enriched eye drops (and for only one dollar!).

Other times people who jump on the bus don't sell things to make money. Rather, they do some kind of performance like hold up an x-ray image while pleading the bus riders for money so they can get a brain tumor removed or dress up like a clown and perform a monologue. I don't believe the x-ray guys and I never understand the clown jokes, so while some Ecuadorians enjoy the performances it is just annoying for me.

The other day on the bus I encountered the most obnoxious bus performer yet. The guy just stood in the front of the bus and announced that he would kiss anybody who didn't give him money. That's it. What's worse, nearly everyone gave him money as he walked down the aisle puckering his lips and moving in for the kiss on passengers. He got to me just as I was leaving the bus and yelled at me that I needed to give him money. When I walked off the bus without having paid him he yelled at me (and this is a direct translation), "I hope when you go back home you discover your house robbed and your cat raped." Well the joke's on him because my host family doesn't even have a cat so half of that insult didn't even make sense.


Ricky's Wedding

The main event of this week was my host brother Ricky's wedding. The ceremony and reception were both on Saturday night at a chapel and restaurant in Ambato.

The ceremony was pretty much identical to what we do in the States. The bride and groom go to the front of the room, exchange words with each other and the priest, then they kiss and as they are leaving the guests throw rice at them.

The bride, groom, and army of small children in ridiculous costumes

The biggest difference that I noted about Ecuadorian weddings is how relaxed everyone involved was. In the States every little detail about the wedding is planned weeks or months in advance, and if anything doesn't go according to plan people freak out. Ricky's wedding was supposed to start at 7:00pm, and at 6:53pm he walked into the kitchen of our house still not ready to leave and asked me what time it was. I went to the church with my host parents and we didn't get there until at least 7:20pm.

Even during the ceremony it was much less planned out than what we expect of a wedding in the United States. There were a number of children running around during the ceremony—like, literally running up and down the aisle while the priest was talking and the bride and groom were saying their vows. They were climbing on the benches, stepping all over the bride's veil that was draped across the floor, and being all-around brats the entire time. Towards the end one of them was running behind the altar, fell down, and burst out in hysterical crying. In the States, a kid that made noise during a wedding ceremony would most likely be smacked upside the head and told that he is going to hell if he keeps it up.

The reception was also very similar to what we do in the States, with the big exception that the people here started dancing as soon as they got to the restaurant. In the U.S. people dance at weddings, but I imagine that more often than not it is alcohol induced and it doesn't last very long. At this wedding every single person got out of his seat and danced for the entire time he wasn't eating.

I don't remember why I thought that pose was a good idea

After dinner they started serving whiskey so the alcohol inspired dancing did eventually come, but it wasn't until the last couple of hours. I'm glad I got the opportunity to experience a wedding here in Ecuador and it was a good reminder of how little I want to get married myself.

Me and my host dad. Ricky wasn't drinking that night.

More whisky-based pageantry with my host brother Santiago

In the end I didn't get a chance to say a speech like I originally wanted, but now that I've been to a wedding I'm more motivated than ever to get a microphone in my hand at the next one I attend.